Crisis of Christian marriages today
Crisis of Christian marriages today
Marriage seems to be one of those few that humans have in common despite the culture, religion or ideology. It is one of those things found in the human nature that started as soon as life itself start that is why I can have the opportunity to say that marriage is as old as man “From the beginning, God created the human race in his own image and likeness; male and female he created them (cf. Gen 1:27)”.
The deifinition to marriage has been so many and to some has a definte definition “the union of man and woman to become husband and wife.” That not withstanding we shall still look into the definitions given by these views:
Conjugal View: Marriage is the union of a man and a woman who make a permanent and exclusive commitment to each otherof the type that is naturally (inherently) fulfilled by bearing and rearing children together.(Robert P. George). Here the spouses renew their union by conjugal act which is aimed at the reproduction of human beings. The union here help to ensure the wellbeing of the child both socialy and otherwise thus telling us the importance of marriage.
Revisionist View: Marriage is the union of two people (whether of the same sex or of opposite sexes) who commit toromantically loving and caring for each other and to sharing the burdens and benefits of domestic life. This view has nothing to do with our society (the African society and Nigeria in particular). The very fact that this view never upheld the already instituted form of marriage renders it meaningless to many not minding whatever it has to teach. It failed to understand the real meaning of marriage.
Christian marriage
The full understanding to this can only be seen with Christ as the background from who we draw our being. What does he see marriage as? The old tastement made it clear as cited above that God ab initio created man and woman and asked then to fill the earth and conquer it. That is the biblical account of the first marriage. Most Christian authorities and bodies view marriage (also called Holy Matrimony) as a state instituted and ordained by God for the lifelong relationship between one man as husband and one woman as wife.(Wikipedia 17/6/17).
The catholics in particular see marriage as a sacrament and that is evident in the definition give by the cannon law. It defined marriage thus “The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life and which is ordered by its nature to the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring, has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament between the baptized.”(Cannon 1055). Standing on this definition by the fathers of the church and going further from cannon 1056 downward we get a full view of what the church expects marriage to be. The church itself being the body of Christ that we see today cannot lead us to the part of damnation. It has made us to understand that marriage at first must be between baptized people, it must be legitimate between people permitted by law, and it must be indissoluble. Bernard Haring sees it as a sacred institution and design of the redeemer, whereby created service is raised to the service of grace in the mystical body of Christ.
Having seen that the church of Christ has today made it clear that marriage is indissoluble. It is also clear that marriage by its very nature is a sacred institution. This is evident in the scripture when it was made clear that man shall leave his father and his mother and cleave onto his wife and they shall become one flesh (cf Gen2:23-24). Many marriages are today standing just for the fact that the church said that it is for better for worse. Many marriages have lost the companionship aspect of marriage. The question now lies on how the situation at hand can be remedied. That cannot be so without having a clear view of what causes problems in the today’s Christian marriage.
CRISIS OF CHRISTIAN MARRIAGES TODAY
1. Lack of Christ
It is very evident that Christ is the rock upon which we stand and anyone who sets up anything devoid of Christ is bound to make mistakes. Any marriage devoid of Christ as the bedrock must be shaky. This he made clear when he said that cut-off from me you can do nothing (Jn 15:5) He also went further to say that I am the beginning and the end. The marriage of today his built on the fact that we can do it. It’s just you and I forever ( a misguided conception). There is much importance placed on materialism and the very fact that the present society is lacking the belief in Christ and his word. The youths of today see the matrimonial activity and church wedding as a pre requisite for a formal marriage and therefore once that is done Christ should stay put of the marriage for the can survive alone
2. Demand for human empowerment (busyness, financial pressures, materialism)
This follows with lack of Christ on our today marriage. However, many may not lack the respect of Christ but the continual quest for materialism as a means for the sustenance of marriage today is a wrong notion. Material things can provide pleasure but not the happiness that comes from companionship of married couples. Wealth is necessary but not a sine qua non for a successful marriage. Materialism has cause lower levels of emotional responsiveness and maturity. Materialism was also linked to less effective communication, higher levels of negative conflict, lower relationship satisfaction, and less marriage stability," Jason Carroll(a BYU professor of family life in Provo, Utah)
However, it should be noted that materialism or the search of human empowerment is the cause of many crisis in the modern day marriage. It is in fact necessary for the growth of the family. The problem lies in the fact that it is taking the place of some things that we should take note of. Materialism cannot buy love, it cannot replace our presence in your family, and it cannot replace what your family has to learn from you.
3. Negative influence f media
The effect of the internet and media in particular is like it has provided us with a demi god that the children of the twenty-first century seem to be worshipping. Its effect is highly felt anywhere you can find a young person who actually know the importance of such. It has increased the rate of secrecy in marriage and lack of time. It has equally increased vulnerability to sexual promiscuity, snooping, jealousy and suspicious behaviour. However, abuse does not negate its use.
4. Lack of guidance for the children
Parents have the first responsibility for the education of their children. They bear witness to this responsibility first by creating a home where tenderness, forgiveness, respect, fidelity, and disinterested service are the rule. The home is well suited for education in the virtues. This requires an apprenticeship in self-denial, sound judgment, and self-mastery - the preconditions of all true freedom. (ccc 2223). The children of today’s parents have been left to the care of a baby sitter of a house help. Some other has been locked up in rooms with television and some essentials denying them of parental company. There is total lack of discipline. Here in Sirach 30:1 the bible has it that “the man who loves his son makes use of the rod, so that he may take prise in him later on.” Single parents training children today is on the increase and many purposeful choose that as a style of life.
5. Divorce and infidelity
Infidelity in today’s marriage seems to be a way of life of the present generation and the rate at which divorce occurs today is like the marriages are measure in life span of highest five years. The church refers to adultery and transient sexual relationship as infidelity and injustices. In her wisdom she made the following points that divorce is a grave offense against the natural law. It claims to break the contract, to which the spouses freely consented, to live with each other till death. Divorce does injury to the covenant of salvation, of which sacramental marriage is the sign. Contracting a new union, even if it is recognized by civil law, adds to the gravity of the rupture: the remarried spouse is then in a situation of public and permanent adultery: If a husband, separated from his wife, approaches another woman, he is an adulterer because he makes that woman commit adultery, and the woman who lives with him is an adulterous, because she has drawn another's husband to herself. (ccc 2384)
CONCLUSION
The crisis experienced in the Christian marriage is a clear sign that we do not understand what marriage in itself is despite the long days of marriage course done in the church. It is also a pure sign that we are losing the face and fear of God in our marriages today. If God is the hall mark of our being then could it have been through him that the crisis we experience today must have evolved?
It will be very fallacious to say that there is a family without little or no family misunderstanding. In fact, it is an indication that we are humans and to some a sign to improvement and communication in the family. If a family is devoid of little time to time misunderstanding then there is no peace in that family. What differentiates the Christian family from others is the understanding and oneness that exist there. After each quarrel there will be a home coming and peace once again and everybody is joyful again.
The increasing rate of divorce in many countries today should be a major concern of the Christians and the church at large. A study of the statistics reveals that countries with these increased rate of divorce are Christian dominated countries. Haven seen the causes of marriage afore mentioned and duly explained it is then proper if we should avoid them and promote the reign of Christ on earth which is the reign of peace
Marriage seems to be one of those few that humans have in common despite the culture, religion or ideology. It is one of those things found in the human nature that started as soon as life itself start that is why I can have the opportunity to say that marriage is as old as man “From the beginning, God created the human race in his own image and likeness; male and female he created them (cf. Gen 1:27)”.
The deifinition to marriage has been so many and to some has a definte definition “the union of man and woman to become husband and wife.” That not withstanding we shall still look into the definitions given by these views:
Conjugal View: Marriage is the union of a man and a woman who make a permanent and exclusive commitment to each otherof the type that is naturally (inherently) fulfilled by bearing and rearing children together.(Robert P. George). Here the spouses renew their union by conjugal act which is aimed at the reproduction of human beings. The union here help to ensure the wellbeing of the child both socialy and otherwise thus telling us the importance of marriage.
Revisionist View: Marriage is the union of two people (whether of the same sex or of opposite sexes) who commit toromantically loving and caring for each other and to sharing the burdens and benefits of domestic life. This view has nothing to do with our society (the African society and Nigeria in particular). The very fact that this view never upheld the already instituted form of marriage renders it meaningless to many not minding whatever it has to teach. It failed to understand the real meaning of marriage.
Christian marriage
The full understanding to this can only be seen with Christ as the background from who we draw our being. What does he see marriage as? The old tastement made it clear as cited above that God ab initio created man and woman and asked then to fill the earth and conquer it. That is the biblical account of the first marriage. Most Christian authorities and bodies view marriage (also called Holy Matrimony) as a state instituted and ordained by God for the lifelong relationship between one man as husband and one woman as wife.(Wikipedia 17/6/17).
The catholics in particular see marriage as a sacrament and that is evident in the definition give by the cannon law. It defined marriage thus “The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life and which is ordered by its nature to the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring, has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament between the baptized.”(Cannon 1055). Standing on this definition by the fathers of the church and going further from cannon 1056 downward we get a full view of what the church expects marriage to be. The church itself being the body of Christ that we see today cannot lead us to the part of damnation. It has made us to understand that marriage at first must be between baptized people, it must be legitimate between people permitted by law, and it must be indissoluble. Bernard Haring sees it as a sacred institution and design of the redeemer, whereby created service is raised to the service of grace in the mystical body of Christ.
Having seen that the church of Christ has today made it clear that marriage is indissoluble. It is also clear that marriage by its very nature is a sacred institution. This is evident in the scripture when it was made clear that man shall leave his father and his mother and cleave onto his wife and they shall become one flesh (cf Gen2:23-24). Many marriages are today standing just for the fact that the church said that it is for better for worse. Many marriages have lost the companionship aspect of marriage. The question now lies on how the situation at hand can be remedied. That cannot be so without having a clear view of what causes problems in the today’s Christian marriage.
CRISIS OF CHRISTIAN MARRIAGES TODAY
1. Lack of Christ
It is very evident that Christ is the rock upon which we stand and anyone who sets up anything devoid of Christ is bound to make mistakes. Any marriage devoid of Christ as the bedrock must be shaky. This he made clear when he said that cut-off from me you can do nothing (Jn 15:5) He also went further to say that I am the beginning and the end. The marriage of today his built on the fact that we can do it. It’s just you and I forever ( a misguided conception). There is much importance placed on materialism and the very fact that the present society is lacking the belief in Christ and his word. The youths of today see the matrimonial activity and church wedding as a pre requisite for a formal marriage and therefore once that is done Christ should stay put of the marriage for the can survive alone
2. Demand for human empowerment (busyness, financial pressures, materialism)
This follows with lack of Christ on our today marriage. However, many may not lack the respect of Christ but the continual quest for materialism as a means for the sustenance of marriage today is a wrong notion. Material things can provide pleasure but not the happiness that comes from companionship of married couples. Wealth is necessary but not a sine qua non for a successful marriage. Materialism has cause lower levels of emotional responsiveness and maturity. Materialism was also linked to less effective communication, higher levels of negative conflict, lower relationship satisfaction, and less marriage stability," Jason Carroll(a BYU professor of family life in Provo, Utah)
However, it should be noted that materialism or the search of human empowerment is the cause of many crisis in the modern day marriage. It is in fact necessary for the growth of the family. The problem lies in the fact that it is taking the place of some things that we should take note of. Materialism cannot buy love, it cannot replace our presence in your family, and it cannot replace what your family has to learn from you.
3. Negative influence f media
The effect of the internet and media in particular is like it has provided us with a demi god that the children of the twenty-first century seem to be worshipping. Its effect is highly felt anywhere you can find a young person who actually know the importance of such. It has increased the rate of secrecy in marriage and lack of time. It has equally increased vulnerability to sexual promiscuity, snooping, jealousy and suspicious behaviour. However, abuse does not negate its use.
4. Lack of guidance for the children
Parents have the first responsibility for the education of their children. They bear witness to this responsibility first by creating a home where tenderness, forgiveness, respect, fidelity, and disinterested service are the rule. The home is well suited for education in the virtues. This requires an apprenticeship in self-denial, sound judgment, and self-mastery - the preconditions of all true freedom. (ccc 2223). The children of today’s parents have been left to the care of a baby sitter of a house help. Some other has been locked up in rooms with television and some essentials denying them of parental company. There is total lack of discipline. Here in Sirach 30:1 the bible has it that “the man who loves his son makes use of the rod, so that he may take prise in him later on.” Single parents training children today is on the increase and many purposeful choose that as a style of life.
5. Divorce and infidelity
Infidelity in today’s marriage seems to be a way of life of the present generation and the rate at which divorce occurs today is like the marriages are measure in life span of highest five years. The church refers to adultery and transient sexual relationship as infidelity and injustices. In her wisdom she made the following points that divorce is a grave offense against the natural law. It claims to break the contract, to which the spouses freely consented, to live with each other till death. Divorce does injury to the covenant of salvation, of which sacramental marriage is the sign. Contracting a new union, even if it is recognized by civil law, adds to the gravity of the rupture: the remarried spouse is then in a situation of public and permanent adultery: If a husband, separated from his wife, approaches another woman, he is an adulterer because he makes that woman commit adultery, and the woman who lives with him is an adulterous, because she has drawn another's husband to herself. (ccc 2384)
CONCLUSION
The crisis experienced in the Christian marriage is a clear sign that we do not understand what marriage in itself is despite the long days of marriage course done in the church. It is also a pure sign that we are losing the face and fear of God in our marriages today. If God is the hall mark of our being then could it have been through him that the crisis we experience today must have evolved?
It will be very fallacious to say that there is a family without little or no family misunderstanding. In fact, it is an indication that we are humans and to some a sign to improvement and communication in the family. If a family is devoid of little time to time misunderstanding then there is no peace in that family. What differentiates the Christian family from others is the understanding and oneness that exist there. After each quarrel there will be a home coming and peace once again and everybody is joyful again.
The increasing rate of divorce in many countries today should be a major concern of the Christians and the church at large. A study of the statistics reveals that countries with these increased rate of divorce are Christian dominated countries. Haven seen the causes of marriage afore mentioned and duly explained it is then proper if we should avoid them and promote the reign of Christ on earth which is the reign of peace
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